Lost Art of Keeping Secrets
by Juno Fairfax
Summary: Post Twice Shy, John and Aeryn make amends.


**Summary:** Post Twice Shy, John and Aeryn make amends.  
**Story Notes:** Spoilers for Twice Shy   
**Disclaimer:** Not mine. 

John and Aeryn lay contentedly together on his bed, face to face, talking quietly and kissing softly, having made their way there to talk things over. Their comms were safely stowed in the mess hall, and 1812 kept watch at the door.

The drugs hadn't made him paranoid. The paranoia was the reason for the drugs.

"You are the key," He had told her. "My Achilles. You. And if he figures that out the world and all that's in it is nothing. He will use you and the baby and I won't be able to stop him."

That's why he used the lakka, though he wouldn't deny the pain. He wanted to protect her, the baby, the universe, from the Scarran half-breed who slept only a few cells away. But Aeryn knew better, knew that he wouldn't have resorted to drugs to save her unless the idea appealed to him.

"John?" she asked, almost purring as he stroked her hair. It had been so long since there had been real physical contact between them.

"Yeah, baby?" He placed a kiss on her forehead, savouring the closeness, trying to convince his brain that the lakka was not needed.

"Did you really want to forget me?" She had played by his rules, done as he had asked, but all along he had cheated. " Did I hurt you that much?" Her voice was almost a whisper.

John sighed, pulling her closer. "When you left on Talyn, you were all I could think about. I became so obsessed by wormholes, because it was the only thing that could distract me enough. But my thoughts always returned to you. When you came back, I would have done anything to have made you happy again. I wished that I had been the one who had died, just to stop you from hurting. I hated that you wouldn't let me in, after all we'd been through." He lifted her chin gently. "Did you know that the day you left, I had realised I had to choose between you and Earth? It was no contest, really. And then you left again, and I spent monens wondering where you where, about our baby. And then you show up with Scorpius..." John paused for a moment. "Yeah. It hurt. But what was worse, was not being able to have you close. I wanted to forgive you. Hell, I just wanted to be with you. But once I saw Scorpy... I knew I couldn't. If he figured out what you mean to me..."

"But you were still hurting, weren't you? I know you, John. You're not stupid enough to take drugs. Part of you wanted to."

"Baby, I never said that I wasn't hurting. What hurt the most was having to deny you. Not being able to be near you, show you affection. That's what finally drove me to the lakka." He caressed her face. "I had to forget you, for your sake, for the sake of everyone in this galaxy."

Aeryn nuzzled his neck, and he could feel the dampness of her tears. "Will you keep taking it?" He could hear her voice break as she asked the question he had dreaded. Everything was on the line here. Yes, they had forgiveness and acceptance and love once more, but they could not let Scorpius know. She caught his gaze, but he couldn't hold it, and lay silent for a long while.

"I don't know what to do, baby, I really don't." He toyed with the strap of her vest, trying to distract himself. "If we're together, then Scorpy will know. And I have no doubt that he will use you to get to me, and he will use the baby."

Aeryn sat up abruptly, and he could hear the tears through her anger. "So, what, you keep sniffing that dren? Push me out of your mind, out of your life?"

"Do you really think I want to do that?" He sat up, forcing her to look at him. "I love you, Aeryn. More than anything in this universe. All I want to do is protect you."

"By forgetting me? By ending what we have?" Her voice was so small that he couldn't help but put his arms around her. "I've just got you back, I can't lose you again."

He sighed, pulling back to look at her, holding her face in his hands. "You won't, darlin', I swear. Scorpius is not going to rip us apart. Nothing will." He wiped her tears away gently, feeling his eyes beginning to well up.

"So what do we do now? If we can't be together..." Her voice trailed off.

"We can be together. Until we can get rid of Scorpius, we just have to keep this quiet."

"Why don't we just space him?"

John almost laughed. "No one wants to do that more than I do, believe me. But he knows things we don't. He has access to what Grayza is up to and we can't sacrifice that information just yet."

Aeryn nodded, resting her forehead against his, their own private gesture of strength. "We should tell the others what he's up to. See if Pilot can do something with the comms."

"Yeah, we should." He was becoming increasingly distracted by her closeness, her scent, the warmth he had missed so much. It had been so long since he had been so near to her, never so intimate with her, and he pushed memories of Grayza and Arnessk into the shadows of his mind. They were nightmares, and he refused to let them spoil his dream.

"So, we keep this quiet? No one else knows?" Her lips were moving ever closer to his, hindering conscious thought.

"That depends. How quiet can you be?" John nuzzled her nose with his own, teasingly.

Aeryn smiled. "Why don't we find out right now?"

John leaned forward, his lips brushing hers so lightly in a ghost of a kiss. His hands cradled her head, thumbs stroking her jaw. Her lips followed his when he pulled back, her mind slow to react. He smiled when her eyes opened, dazed from even the briefest of contact. Keeping her gaze, he allowed one hand to tangle further in her thick raven hair. It had grown even longer, even more lustrous in their time apart and it had nearly killed him not being able to touch it. His other hand slowly began to move down her body, his touch feather light, not missing a single curve until he reached the top of her right boot, undoing the ties and sliding it from her leg. John repeated the process with the other boot, achingly slow. But hell, they had waited this long, he could afford to take his time. He broke the contact only long enough to remove his own boots.

Holding her, John laid her down on the bed, a slight flush apparent on Aeryn's face already. They had waited so long for this, they had suffered so much. It was unfair to consider who had been hurt the most; she for being rejected, or he for being forced to reject her. None of that mattered for the moment, as they began to heal old wounds, make things right once and for all.


End file.
